whoa. you sure you want to read this? better back out now or you might get bored of all my blabbberings..lol. just to warn you, this is just about what seems to be irrelevant to some people, but i wanted to write about it soooo it’s here.. it may be confusing though.. and may be misleading lol..
“how does identity develop? for this to happen a person must first develop a comittment to someone or something–to another person, to a group or even to a system of ideas such as a political system or a religion. when this commitment takes hold, the person’s identity changes to accomodate it; the person ‘internalizes’ the commitmment. ” —NATV 1220
wow. you know, at first, i thought ‘how can this book tell me about identity’? i was very curious about the whole identity formation thing, so i read on and this is what i got out of it: well, expectations are a part of the whole process. when a person loves or respects someone, that person tends to take their expectations of that person seriously. well that does happen and it has happened to me. but that was when i was a little girl. i was such a suck up to my parents’ influence, especially about school and academics. of course, they say to influence you to study hard is for your own good, for your future–that education is the only key to survive and to succeed and to have a better life than they had. i agree, but that is only one side of it. for parents to keep pushing their children to study hard while they’re still young, it can be a lot of pressure. i sure thought it was. being smart as a kid was a lot of pressure. but that’s being selfish if you just think about it like that. when people expect you to do your best as a kid, it’s actually helping you achieve your full potential, thus making it into a challenge that hones you into shape somehow to be a better thinker. but it keeps going until you’re older–that expectation never disappears but it changes a bit and allows you a small room for tiny mistakes, since now you know that everyone does it, everyone makes mistakes and you really should learn from your mistakes because that’s their main purpose in life. but then you start thinking it’s all your fault because you made a mistake and your the only person to blame. and i’ve been through a few phases like that in my life and it sucked. now, self-pity is something that weak people would do and i’m not criticizing anyone but that’s what i thought of myself when i pity myself for making a bad decision that resulted in worse outcomes. but if you think over that depressing moment of weakness, you can see that the world doesn’t end even if it seems like your own world is in chaos, blowing up right in front of your face. then you think, ‘what am i supposed to do now? after i failed doing this, what am i supposed to be doing when i failed already?’ that’s when you should realize that that failure may have been just a test, an obstacle you have to overcome or else you’ll be stuck in that moment for ever. and if you’re able to overcome that you can see that there’s always, always that second chance, but you’ll have to be optimistic and not a pessimist or else you’ll go into depression for a long time i.e. 4 months [like i did].
so anyways, all that expectation can bring you down if you fail to reach the goal that you set up with them the moment you approved their standards of what they think you should be. well, i say now that you’re old enough, you can definitely learn to sit back and watch all that’s around you. notice those little details that you’ve never ever cared to look at, maybe think about how you went about your past or your childhood and how you would change yourself for the better.. then at least you can find out what other things or people influenced you in the past and in the present. then if you want you can learn how to sever that influence, because honestly, people do care about what other people think about them. you can sever that bond without losing respect for those people, because without respect, you’re nothing. it doesn’t mean you can’t trust those people anymore; it’s just that you’re a little more wary of why they expect you to be what they want you to be. and then look at what you want yourself to be and then think for a second, ‘do they have the same understanding as i do of who i am? who do they think i am?’ then when you find differences, think back to why it was like that for them, why do they think like that?; it’s like looking at the result and then finding what caused it. for sure you’ll find something on how they grew up because, in a way history does repeat itself. so that’ll help in your decision to want to be what they want you to be or be something that you want to be. for some of us, other’s expectations can be the bridge to what they really want to be (like me) and you can use it as a leverage that will get you closer to what you want by the means of what others wants you to be. this way, it pleases most people but not everyone. it is a little daunting to be doing what you don’t want to do just to make those people you love happy. but really whose happiness is it? being forced to be what you’re not is pretty saddening and discouraging but try not to think of other people. think of what you want to be then make sure that you can be aloof whenever someone expects something of you; don’t ever take it pesonally or you’ll crash and burn if you fail to do it. i just nod and do what i think is the right thing to do. i accept others’ suggestions but i don’t necessarily follow them just to please them. i take care to think about benefits for myself and for others when making decisions. sometimes, i make a wrong move and i never forget it; i keep it in the back of my mind to remind me of what i did wrong and what i should do next time an opportunity comes up again. and i make sure i’m not distanced from anyone who can possibly help. then i think, wow i’m doing what i really want to do. ^__^
i think i was writing this for myself, but who knows?? this might be for you as well. =)