I’ve Always Wanted To Be…

…a teacher. that was my initial choice, okay my second choice, for a future career. that was me thinking about jobs back in 3rd grade. i thought me and my best friend would be teaching little kids together and talk about their funny antics after we look at their messy but cute drawings. it still remains to be one of my goals in life. but right now, it’s taking a back seat for some unknown reason. maybe not unknown, but it’s more like postponed for this moment due to other busy things in my life that requires my utmost attention. thinking about how i’m just letting such an oppurtunity to educate young minds slowly waste away in my ‘goal cabinet’ boggles my brain. i mean, why don’t i just do this thing when i feel more confident about it compared to what i’m in right now? the answer to that is because i’ve realized this fact a tad too late and now i am in no way going to back out and leave this one unfinished. i’m in it, i might as well finish it, right? and there’s this thing i have with literature and the english language. ever since high school, i’ve fallen in love with english literature and the language itself. i’ve always been good at it ever since i started going to school when i was little. and now i really want to teach others about it too… hmm.. i want others to realize the beauty of literature and the great achievements in our society because of it. 

…an architect. my dad is an architect. my brother and i get a laugh out of reminiscing over this. we always thought we were the cool kids at school because our dad was the only one who worked abroad and he was the only architect from our introductions in my 2nd grade class which included a ‘what does your mom and dad do? part in it. my classmates would all go ooh when i say he works as an architect and they’d go ahh when i mention the fact that he works in saudi arabia. i’ve always been fascinated by buildings and the wonderful structure that you can come up with in that profession. but somehow that dream had faded down a bit and now i only want to design custom houses [like i’ve always thought of designing my own house]. or maybe a resort that i’ll make.. or possibly a restaurant idea? lol

…a writer/novelist. i already mentioned my liking the english language and so this is actually my top dream. i’ve been writing many poems, short stories and working on novels at my own time and it really brings me joy to be able to do so. i’m really proud of them too. writing is like soul food for me. lol seriously if i get fidgety or restless or stressed out or depressed, then all i need is to do is to write it all out and channel out the negative feelings. i do write whenever i’m happy as well; i don’t limit my writing to negative feelings. writing is very very dear to me but i have no security in doing it as a career. i think i’m biased from what all other people say. i’m very confident in my own skills but there’s that something that’s holding me back. i obviously need to resolve this issue lol. 

…an interior designer. due to the architect thing, i developed a liking for designing interiors [initially just for my own home]. i already have sketches of my dream home lol and what i want it to look like. i have a pretty good eye for things and what goes well together and what doesn’t. i have a thing for aesthetically pleasing things objects or themes.. 

…a chef. i love food, hence, i like cooking. food is my comfort zone. thanks to a fast metabolism, and an endless pit for a stomach, i always stay just the right size even though i eat like a pig quite often. my purse is never without food of some sort like a m&m’s or a bag of chips. and recently i’ve discovered that i have a knack for picking out which textures complement each other and what specific taste contrasts another and so on.. i’ve been experimenting on various dishes and i’ve always liked the outcome. i even make my sister a visually pleasing and appeticing platters if i feel like sharing lol. baking is not the same though.. i grew with my mom cooking and i was always the helper with my sister and my brother playing somewhere.. lol i developed a dislike for it i guess.. gosh, aren’t i such a meanie? 

…a fashion designer. i like designing clothes. i want my mom to sew them for me but she doesn’t want to so i asked her to teach me how instead  but right now the training is still on hold. i’ve learned it a long time ago in 5th grade but it’s been so long… i have my sketches ad i always dream of finding the exact same cloth that i’ve always wanted them to be. my mom was offering me random cloths and i didn’t like the designs so i thought up of new designs for the cloths instead… lol i’m extremely picky when it comes to this.

…a linguist. i am utterly fascinated by languages. i feel like people should have been born knowing all the languages of the world. imagine how friendly the world would be.. everyone would understand each other and there would be no such thing as a ‘language barrier’ anymore. the languages that are top in my interest list includes japanese, latin, spanish, french, chinese, and korean. someday i will learn those languages and how they originated as such and learn how the word ‘magnificent’ is said in japanese, in french, in chinese, and all other languages in the world. i’m already self studying the japanese language for a start. =)

…a business manager. as a chef i would want to own a restaurant. i have this crazy idea of letting my relatives in my home country [which is a third world country], who don’t have a job, work in it and so we’d all be closeby and it would be so much fun. i can imagine us all laughing and doing our work with such a good atmosphere… lol i’m starting to daydream now. i also want to manage my own resort. this one is because i like beaches and back at home, our beach resort are somehting to be proud of. i miss the sea; i’ve always missed the sea ever since i immigrated to another country. and the fact that where i am is nowhere near a body of water that resembles a sea, i am sort of incomplete without the regular beach outings that i’ve grown accustomed to. 

…a photographer. ahh, the beauty of nature. i always want to capture a little part of it and make it into a memory that will last for lifetimes to come. i have an affinity for the outdoors. i like observing little plants and tiny flowers and insects, and walking in forests are exremely appealing to me [provided i don’t get lost in it & there are no dangerous wild animals].. the wind, the rain, the clouds, the rivers, lakes, and waterfalls… so much beauty around us and yet we hardly give enough time or have enough time to spend enjoying them. the stars at night, man… i really like looking at them and having someone beside me to talk about random nostalgic things is the past. lol i got side tracked!! back onto the colours: green and blue are my favourite colours. it’s the colour of nature and the sky. my room right now is painted green and blue. 

with determination, i’m sure anyone can achieve what they’ve always aimed for in life. although there is this statement that bothers me: ‘determination is not the same as winning’ which is uttered by one of the characters from soulcalibur IV. lol it seriously depressed me  for a little while though. but then i realized, who cares what others say [as if what game characters say even mattered in this situation].. i knew what i believed to be true and it’ll stay like that for as long i believed it to be so. and so, here i am striving for these goals to be accomplished by the time i turn 90. i’m only turning 20 in a few weeks and i already feel like i’m behind schedule. i should just live my life and stop counting down, right? or else i’ll lose sight of the big picture, i think.

right now, studying to become a nurse sure proved difficult just because i had to take a step back and think things through more thoroughly and by doing that i waste time. i feel like time is my enemy now. lol i shouldn’t think like that. a minor setback is all it is and what matters is that i walk forward again after this. i was never a quitter and it’s staying that way. then after this i’m aiming to be a doctor. now that interests me. i’m curious about cancer, about our internal organs and also about being a dermatologist. those are the fields that i want to get into. [gosh, aren’t i ambitious? i sometimes think i’m overly so… lol]. 

the thing about this is, is there really enough time to learn all these things within the human lifespan? i like to believe so, and i really hope the means are all within reach so all of this can come true. …do you ever feel like doing so many things all at once?? if only people aged twice as slow and lived twice as long… life would be very fulfilling indeed. lol don’t misunderstand, i like how our lifespans are right now.


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