Paranoia is Never Good

since i’ve had the tingling to my arm and chest pains and the rarely back pain and foot pain.. i thought i had a clot at first. then i realized that clots can’t travel that much at my age and it shoulf get dissolved as long as i remain healthy, which i think i am… then my thought veered off to my nerves; what if i had nerve damage??  what if it was firing out signals when it wasn’t supposed to? this actually freaked me out because the first body part it targeted was my right arm, if it was nerve damage. and my right arm is my weapon, my tool for everyday all day things: writing, eating, scratching, you name it.. hands are very very important, just like the eyes and the brain and the heart. they are vital to me lol. anyways, recently i developed a feeling of decreased air entry, like my lungs would get tired nd not expand as it normally would. then i got a cold; so now i have no idea if it is the cold causing it or if it is possibly another thing… [i’m actually getting scared, i had no intention of writing this out just because i feel that when i write it down, it makes it true for some reason.. you know, like tempting fate or something]  so right now i have no idea what to do. =(

onto a slightly different topic, my cousins said i have OCD just because i’m meticulous and neat. i think that’s over the top. i’m just a neat organized person lol why am i talking about this here??? i think my artistic tendencies are suppressed right now and i cannot even write or think of a single paragraph to add on to any of my stories or yet even start a poem. i can’t even verbalize my nightly stories for my sister because my brain is just not into it [lol omg this is starting to sound odd… ok, just to clarify: my nightly stories are of a romantic comedy or sad/depressing stories and never includes vaginas or penises; yes i can say those words because i am going to be a nurse and i cannot, absolutely cannot be embarrassed to use those words in my field of [near future work].

anyways, i got my own room now, down at the basement. VERY QUIET. i like it. i like to be able to hear myself think when i’m studying and not some screaming voice [mom] looking for her back scratching wood stick thing.. my cousins and i recently watched Paranormal Activity 2 nights ago [SPOILERS] and i still get flashbacks of Katie being dragged by the leg off the bed. that is ultimately scary; i almost cried from the fear. and at the last part i stopped breathing when she looked at the camera and attacked it. it just gave me shivers right now. damn, that was really scary in terms of what you’re imagining happening in the dead of night and your foot getting dragged off the bed and all the scary stuff LOL i am getting freaked again.. although i must say the style was a bit hard on the eyes, my cousin and my sister got headaches and couldn’t really enjoy the movie.. and my eyes hurt a little after.. the day parts were slightly boring, but most of all i just want to say they are kinda stupid.

first, when you get dragged off a bed, wouldn’t you want to leave that house or at least call people to go and stay in the house with you other than yourselves?? maybe invite 6 more people to come and stay and do switching watch rounds [ie] three stay up while three sleep, or something like that, or just totally don’t go back into that freakin house!! gosh, i kept expecting them to do something and yet they never did. when the girl refused to get out of the house during that day, i would have called for reinforcements and had help to haul her out of the house. i mean, that is just weird to stay in a house where you know something is there that is very scary LOL. i can’t say any of the other adjectives just because i feel like it’s calling back all the movie flashbacks… but yeah, poor Mikah/Micah/Mika/Mica [i don’t know how to spell his name lol] but anyways, yeah bad idea to not call that guy that the old guy recommended [the demonologist??].. it was funny how the theater was so quiet even when the credits were rolling. nobody moved for like 5 minutes.. i was letting my heart catch up lol.


2 thoughts on “Paranoia is Never Good

  1. > since i’ve had the tingling to my arm and chest
    > pains and the rarely back pain and foot pain..
    > i thought i had a clot at first.
    I think you are quite young. I am quite old. I have some advice for you. Remember that you thought like this when you were young. Also, next time you go upstairs, and when you get to the top you think “What did I come up here for?” remember that too.

    Being young, there is no good reason for you to be paranoid about your health. Later in life, when there is a bit of a better reason, and you start to panic because you’ve got a pain in the chestal area, remember that when you were young, you though the same thing, and nothing came of it. When you are old, and you go upstairs, and you forget why, remember that when you were young, you did the same thing, so it’s probably not the onset of senility (unless senility started happening in your teens).

    > my right arm is my weapon,
    Great potential story title.

    > my nightly stories are of a romantic comedy or
    > sad/depressing stories and never includes
    > vaginas or penises;
    This is one of those overspecific disclaimers along the lines of “Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you” or “I swear I will be loyal and never lead you into an unexpected ambush or anything like that”

    • yes, i guess i am quite young to be so worried over these things, but it’s hard not to because if you see my mother’s family, they are quite a sickly bunch =( and that scares me. some things are familial, some things we get as we grow older and the body weakens. i guess the possibilities of it all is what i’m focusing on, which i shouldn’t. nicer to focus on the good things, like being young and active. =)

      LOL, thanks for those thoughts.. although the ‘over specific disclaimers’ that you noted is funny… sometimes i get like that when i haven’t been able to think things through before writing them down on my blog.. :3

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