How’s It Going?

*Sigh* where are my carefree days and my selfish privacy times?? Lately i’ve been stuck doing a parttime job as a mom for my cousin’s 2 kids… and with all the other issues at home, i’m finding it hard to look for a single moment to enjoy all to myself. Aren’t i selfish? LOL!! sometimes, alone time is needed for my own rebooting session. i need it to re-focus, recharge and reinvigorate. and with an occasion coming up for my grandparents in about a week, i haven’t got time to even take a breather. i don’t know what to do, but at least the weather is making me upbeat.=) so for now, i’m sort of enjoying my a little more than pretentious highlights (LOL) and the kids’ funny moments. So, for now i know i haen’t been even aware of anything in the world because i don’t have time outside of my busy busy schedule… i promise, by august or somewhere around there, i’ll be taking on a new or re-uptake a forgotten hobby and then update again… but otherwise, my updates will be a lot of ranting and venting… which will be very exciting for you people who read; mind my sarcasm.

i’m so full of stuff i want to vent on here, but unfortunately, i seriously don’t know where to even begin. =( i’m  little bit down, but a little bit happy… hahaha, right now i’m thinking that being able to cope is probably  the best thing to focus on. =)

firstly financially, i’m living paycheck to paycheck even though i’m fulltime. =( my family’s situation makes it hard for me to save… i’m trying because i know emergencies happen; like this past february. which the bill is still unpaid… yeesh, i’ve been so busy but my blog doesn’t see any of it. hahahaha, why, you ask? it’s because i usually don’t like putting on negative stuff on here if i can help it… save you guys some drama that you don’t really need to know about..

but anyways, today more people came to the house and while another kid is here to be entertained, i’m trying to forget about all that stuff and just going with the flow… i need to de-stress and i promised myself i’d get a massage sooner or later. soon, i hope; i truly need one. i know i sound petty but i can’t disclose info that easily, it’s waaay too embarassing. even writing about it just makes me want to shrink up and disappear. besides all the money issues, family relatives are an issue too and of course my personal health. i’ve been losing weight lately and i can’t seem to get it back. i’m trying to pretend it’s not happening so i don’t stress about it, but when you feel sick and weak and always tired, i’m positive you’d notice and stress about it.

see how long this is turning into? and i don’t even have one single thing to focus on, i’m just rambling on and on and on like a crazy fool. right now, i can only turn to my books, my virtual planet that i’m taking care of, the small walks i can take by myself outside in the sun..sometimes, i keep thinking i’m taking on too much at one time, but even if i stop to think and organize my life, it always comes out that everything is happening at the same time. this isn’t my year and lord knows i’m on the brink of having a nervous breakdown. mental fatigue is a lot tiring compared to physical fatigue; it just sucks the life out of me. =( i wish i was on a vacation. can someone please take me on a vacation for free?? i’ll go in a box so i can just go as check in luggage LOL. oh well, i can be stuck in this for a little bit stil, i can handle it. (that’s what i have to tell myself everytime i feel overwhelmed hahaha!) ok, i think i’m feeling a little bit lighter than when i started this thing. lol, see?? it works. even for just a litte bit….

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