Thoughtless Words Are Fatal

Here we go again. To all the awesome moms out there, this post is probably one of your worst nightmares. I will start with a little background information: my brother is the type of person who is outgoing, confident and can easily get along with other people. He is also, among other negative traits, very easy to deceive. Example: a few years back, the two of us were walking to Safeway when this guy in a random truck stops him and asks him if he wants to buy a sound system, with random reasons of why he was selling it from the back of his truck. Being the ever cautious one, I was already starting to dismiss the guy even before he finished explaining. My number 1 thought:  a stolen system that they’re trying to get money from. So there’s my brother, easily being taken in by how cheap it was ($200) and that it’s brand new and was a 7 or 11 piece set. Then he turns to me and says, “Can I borrow $200 from you? This is a really good deal.”

To clarify, the thing was not a brand name I even recognize. I was appalled; his decision making when it came to sudden purchases, and an expensive one at that, was shocking. I said no, and he still bought it with his own money. I couldn’t believe he brought home that thing. I didn’t say anything because I knew he would get mad at me for questioning his decision. So we get home and surprise, surprise, my parents were livid.

Now that same trait of being unable to think his decisions through has at least three occasions that I know about. The most recent one is this: My cousin calls to tell him that a highschool classmate of theirs is asking her for money (loan) and she asks him if he can loan the guy some money. This is all on speaker phone and my parents could hear the whole thing. After hanging up, my mom tells my brother, “Don’t lend them money, you don’t even know if they’ll ever pay you back.” To which my brother apparently replies, “You guys didn’t pay for my tuition fee.” I guess I can’t explain the context properly, but he was trying to say that they shouldn’t care what he does with his money. (I don’t know why he had to mention the tuition fee at all though; I got student loan to pay for my tuition fees.) This is of course, so hurtful to my mom, who starts screaming at him in anger. Then she started crying.

My mom can easily make me cry, but I don’t think I’ve ever said anything so hurtful to her that she would cry. My brother on the other hand, has done this before, mabe a few times already. It pains me to see that she loves him so much and yet she hardly gets any thought in return. He then rationalized that he’ll eventually pay back my parents for all that they’ve done for us. Wrong. Who says any child can even dream of repaying what their parents did for them? We can all try, but anyway you put it, our parents fed us when we were all crying babies and changed our diapers and lost sleep to comfort us. Can all of us say we would change our parents’ diapers when they become incontinent? Can we say we’d have the patience to deal with our parents who had developed Alzheimer’s or dementia? Most of us would have no time for that and lots of excuses would come out to justify our actions. I don’t understand how my brother could forget the very simple fact: He wouldn’t be alive if not for our parents. I don’t know how he can even think that he doesn’t need parents. Just because he works now, he thinks he’s so awesome, that he’s so independent. He isn’t. He totally lives like a prince at home. Rare would be the time that he would think of helping out around the house. He eats, sleeps and leaves the house to party or to work. He’s like that on repeat. I learned to not mind it because it stresses me out and i know at this point, he isn’t going to change anytime soon. I feel bad for him and at the same time I’m mad at him. He thinks paying them back with money is going to amount to the same thing as taking care of them. Never in my life have I put money as the most important thing to me; it pays the bills, but that’s not the goal of my life. My brother keeps wanting to foster kids (to get more income) in the house so he wants me and him to pay to get the basement finished, but I know that the situation in the house would only get worse. And who decides to foster a child with the thought of getting rich? Am I crazy or is that just plain heartless?

Anyways, I have to sleep now, otherwise this topic will keep bugging me. ‘Til next time. Goodnight.

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