Absolutely restless. I don’t know what it is, but this always happens every single year. I feel trapped, in this place, in my life, in this state. Right now I’m hoping it’s not because it’s ‘that time of the month’ because otherwise I would feel like this every single month of every year. LOL! Yesterday, I told my best friend that if she was truly planning to get a house next year, I wanted to be the one to rent a room because the whole family was driving me crazy, which is mostly true. Each of them can be very annoying, as I know I can be, at times.
Usually when I feel like this, I re-focus myself so I don’t get that feeling that everything’s hopeless, or that I’m stuck or I’m always going to be the same. I’ve even set up my most important goals for this year, in order, as (1) buying a new car, (2) switching my work to something more interesting (a.k.a. community workplace) and (3) finishing (or writing as much as possible) the mermaid story. So far, I’m missing a huge whiteboard to visiualize my goals on. 😉 Then the party can really start!
For the car, I’ve been reading up on buying a brand new car and what to anticipate financially, like gas, repairs, and insurance. So far, I’ve looked at my paycheck and calculated my current bills/expenses and added on to that the bills/expenses for the new car. I will still have some money left but for the next few months that will be allotted to the trip back home that the whole family is planning. Once I’ve secured the car goal, I can focus on my goal #2, because the car is actually necessary for it. I work in a hospital, so it’s a frontline job, and I do love working on my unit: it’s busy, the staff are godsend and there’s always something new to learn. The problem is, I do not see myself working there in the next 3-5 years. I want to be more ‘upstream’ and working towards prevention and helath promotion. That’s why I need the car because it’ll be a lot of driving to and from places in order to develop my network and expand it. I have to meet a lot of people, which should help improve my social/people skills (killing two birds with one stone, eh?) and in turn improve my self-esteem. Yes, I need help with that because I’m the kind of person that acquiantances or co-workers will think is very reserved or quiet, while friends will think I’m not and my closest friends know I’m a little crazy. Of course, I am tangenting off topic again, so let’s re-group: After goals #1 and #2 are started, goal #3 will be much easier to focus on; I just hope I get started on it before I leave for New York next month so that I can say that I’m still working on it even though it’s the least priority for this year’s goals.
If you think back, and say to yourself: what did I accomplish last year? I became more personable at work, rather than being the hermit that I usually am with people. I went on a trip with my family to Minneapolis (bonding time! LOL), where my dad’s cousin lives. Then I went to Vegas (parent-free, for the second time!) with my best friend. I started learning some French. I paid off most of the credit card balances that I was having trouble paying back from the previous year. I got myself a Google tablet. I helped my aunt when she needed some moolah. It’s not a very long list, is it? I think that’s why I feel incomplete because I feel like I could have done more with my time last year (Yeah I say that now, but with a full time schedule, of course it was hard to do much else). Am I being too hard on myself? Probably. And yet, I still feel unfulfilled… so this year, I’ve made some goals and I will accomplish them all by the end of the year. =) A mini goal is to register for that French class at work!!