I MADE IT!

hahhahaha!! i made it to the Dean’s Honour List! the mail came on july 12 and i was so happy i cried!! i didn’t expect it at all, and after all that effort especially around 2008’s struggle.. i was very thankful to say the least. i didn’t think i would have this sort of recognition, but now that i have this, i feel really blessed. i knew lord is always taking care of me.. lol i guess this was all a test to see if i kept my faith… =) i’m all smiles now..!! hahaha ok, gotta go to clinical now!!! just wanted to say i love my life. it gets crazy at times, but i love it anyways. ciao for now!! =)

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A Vivid Memory

“who killed the grasshopper on my grass? who stole the gold from the lady goldenhair? was it you, was it you, little fairy? or is it you, is it you, death?” …”jump with joy, jump with fear, jump with everything you feel… soon you’ll reach the moon and feel nothing…aheeheehee..!”

it seems like i’ve lost. but never once in my life have i ever admitted that to myself. i never lose. never. it isn’t in me to lose. it isn’t right for me to lose. i was never meant to lose. that’s what i’ve always believed. but right now i find it hard not to say that i’ve lost. after all these years of seeing my goals through and through, this one little obstacle comes into my path and i stumble. i stumble over a little piece of rock stuck in the ground, hidden from my sight… should i stand up again? should i just lay there and wait for the rain to come?

the shadows pass over my face, moving forward, leaving me behind. i stare at their human-like shapes, wanting to be one of them but the heaviness deep inside me denies me that wish…

how can i save myself? how can i save myself when all i can see is darkness now? the sun gave up on me and i let myself down. soon the darkness will seep into my bones and freeze my soul. no longer will i feel the pain. no longer will i cry these tears. no longer will i live the life that i’ve made for myself.

how cruel, how cruel can a short span of simple seconds slip so savagely, sending sorrow singing sighs into the tumbling threads of my heavy heart? how cold, how cold can a word whisper woes wrongfully into my meandering mind, making me more miserable?

the rain would touch my face. a pitiful caress from an unseen, unfeeling friend. warm tears dissolve into the coldness of the rain drops touching my skin. wet, so wet. drowning would soon follow. as soon as the heaven had cried out to the land to save the poor pitiful creature lying on the ground. water everywhere, water deep inside. i cannot cry anymore because the heaven cried for me. i cannot live anymore because the shadows lived for me.

“Would you say goodbye, my pretty? would you say bye? hello, hello, hello, i would say! welcome to my company: the company of the terrible laughter! aheeheehee…!” … “should i leave you to burn away or accompany you to freeze to your end? it is all up to you. it was always up to you and no one else…”

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that was written on January 2007. That was the year i had to drop my clinical. i’m such a weirdo, aren’t i? getting all emotional over school. i guess one could only understand if they went through the same situation as i did; getting noticed by family only because i always did good in school. it was the light that i used to hang on to like a puppy to its master. that was how i was before, until my eyes were opened to the truth and i no longer cared for what they thought of me. i’m not saying i hated them–although i did for quite a while back then–but i learned more about myself and finally became independent of them. i could do what i want without worrying about what they would say. it was freeing, to say the least. i’m hoping i will keep learning about myself and my family as i grow.

You Can Fly

alright! so community clinical term is almost done and i’m really happy that i’ve managed to finish it with a bang. hehehehehehehehe… actually, i’m just really excited about what had happened with our project with the MBSP and the radio interview was really the icing on the cake; i felt like we accomplished our mission–we made people aware of what we were doing… LOL it was really such a big job but when it’s finally done, i’m kinda missing it.. i would most definitely stick with the gang if they asked tomorrow… hahahaha..

anyways, i know i’ve been neglecting my blog.. the avatar post is just non-stop with the comments, i’m glad that it is still a topic that people still search about these days. so here i am posting another update about life in general. i’m going to barbados soon and i should really pack my stuff and get ready but i feel sooo lazy still lol. i can’t find my red shoes..*sigh* that’s actually bothering me more than i want it to. but it’s because all my other summer shoes were with those red pair and if i can’t find the red pair, then that means slim chance of finding my greek style shoes, which i love!!! darn all those plastic bags in the basement!! lol anyways, i also need to get my nails done, probably putting bright orange nail polish on them…

i wish we could swim with the kids soon… i really want to see judang swim or paddle or whatever in the water. hahaha ok, speaking of the devil, the kid is calling me ‘papa’ right now and bothering me… so, i’ll just go and pay attention to the kid for now.. we have a movie marathon later, thanks to moviesjojo.com. =)